A Casino Should Replace Agave on State Street

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When the Puritans settled the Massachusetts Bay Colony in the 17th century, they prohibited all manner of “ungodly activities.” Dancing, theater, public swearing, lying, gambling, excessive drinking, and public displays of affection were all punishable offenses. In our infinite contemporary wisdom, we had the good sense to un-ban these activities, and often even encourage them. We enjoy theater, dance on weekends, drink excessively, display affection publicly, and lie plenty. But we’re still missing one: gambling. 

With the closure of Agave, a golden opportunity has presented itself for Newburyport to show its spirit of enlightenment, and welcome a casino to town. Imagine a cold Wednesday night in January. The shops are closed. A chilly wind is creeping through the cracks in your poorly-insulated historic house. No one’s around because they’re “waiting for summer.” Well, why not head down to the Merrimack Money Pit and warm up under some cozy LED lights? The rest of town might call it a night by 9pm, but the Merrimack Money Pit is open 24/7. And while you try your hand in blackjack or roulette, your favorite cocktail waitress is waiting with free (that’s right, free!) drinks. In this economy, that’s nothing to sneeze at. 

Speaking of money, what are some of Newburyport’s biggest issues right now? Street and sidewalk repairs, and more affordable housing. A casino would generate so much tax revenue, it’ll be like the city itself hit the jackpot on a slot machine. Why stop at a new boardwalk when we could build a veritable Coney Island of waterfront rides, games, and souvenir shops? Repair the brick and concrete sidewalks? That’s thinking small. What about moving sidewalks like they have in airports? And the rec center is just the beginning. With casino revenue lining our pockets, we could turn it into a full-fledged entertainment complex for kids and adults, spanning the length of Hale Street. There are truly no city problems that increasing the tax base can’t solve. 

A casino would also help foster community in town. What embodies community better than a casino, where friends, neighbors, and colleagues can bond over shared fortune, or commiserate over losing everything? Maybe you’re a single guy in your 20s. You’re sick of trying to meet your soulmate at the Thirsty Whale and The Goat, and on a lark, wander into the casino with some friends on a Friday night. You lock eyes with a woman across the craps table. Cigarette in hand, she looks almost radiant in the neon red glow of the flickering LED lights. One thing leads to another, and 10 years later you’re saying, “kids, I met your mom at the Merrimack Money Pit. You can too.” 

I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t a casino out of character with our town’s aesthetic? Once upon a time, you would’ve been right. But look around. Quaint used bookstores are being replaced by  high-end sterile construction showrooms, former flower shops are now wealth management offices, and you can’t walk two blocks without seeing approximately 17 realtor signs. Don’t be a dinosaur. It’s all about money these days, which is why a casino isn’t just “in character” for Newburyport – it is our character. 

Progress can be scary. We’ve come a long way since the Massachusetts Bay Colony, but we still have further to go. Let’s not entrench ourselves in outmoded ideas of morality, or limit ourselves to a Puritanical mindset. Why should Hampton and Seabrook have all the fun? Let’s be open-minded about our city’s future and embrace our capitalist impulses. Let’s put a casino at 50 State Street.

April F.
Newburyport resident

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