The Untold Story of the Plum Island National Anthem

The Townie is an opinion website. The views expressed in this piece belong solely to the author, do not represent those held by The Townie, and should not be interpreted as objective or reported fact.

In a galaxy far, far away…oops, wrong story.

The first time I visited Plum Island in 1972, I fell in love with the place. My favorite home was a one-room shack with a stunning view of the marshes. My first album, titled “Plum Island,” was released on Fretless Records in 1974. The title cut was an instrumental tone poem by the same name.

There were far fewer year-round residents in those days. Every summer brought an invasion of mainlanders who paid a fortune to occupy uninsulated shacks, lie on the beach, and park wherever they pleased. After Labor Day, the tourists went home, residents breathed a sigh of relief, and the island resumed its off-season air of benign neglect.

The population increased dramatically over the rest of the decade, as folks from away bought summer shacks and converted them to year-round use.

Toward the end of the decade, many longtime island residents began to express dissatisfaction with the political status quo. We were part of several mainland communities, but felt neglected by all of them. People began to suggest that we break off from Newbury, Newburyport, and the other towns and become a town ourselves.

The talk didn’t go anywhere. However, it gave me an idea. Why settle for becoming a separate town when we could go all the way and secede from the United States altogether?

So we did. Few people still living know this, but the island has been an independent nation since 1979. That’s the year the Independent Republic of Plum Island was born. We got away with it because, unlike the southern states, we didn’t tell anyone, so that no one would attack us.

Ours is a democracy in reverse. No one is allowed to run for office. Instead, we select qualified people and make them serve. If they do a good job, we allow them to quit after a while. If they show the slightest sign of wanting or enjoying the job, we cover them with homemade plum jelly, turn them loose in the salt marshes, and let the greenhead flies deal with them.

Speaking of greenheads, we organized the greenhead flies. Well known for intelligence, ruthlessness, and aggression, we designated the greenheads as our national bird because they were too mean to be mere insects. The flies became our air force, tasked with keeping order on the beaches and making sure tourists didn’t litter.

As Plum Island’s Minister of Culture, I was tasked with bringing a bowling alley to the island and creating a national anthem. I failed with the first task, but succeeded with the second. The bowling balls wouldn’t roll very far in the sand, and if they managed to hit the pins, they didn’t fall over; they just leaned a little.

I wrote the anthem in one sitting and recorded it at Northern Studios in Maynard, Massachusetts. The musicians included Dennis Kessler on bass and Billy Novick on fife and pennywhistle. I can’t recall who played the drums or the banjo, nor who engineered the sessions. I invited about a dozen people to sing the final choruses and lead the cheers, with the promise of a wrap party.

In the analog age before digital sound effects, we used several techniques to create what we needed. To capture the angry buzzing of the greenhead flies, we recorded a biplane in flight and slowed it down. We also used a recording of a dive bomber and explosion for the sound of greenheads attacking the tourists on the beach.

We put a microphone in the studio toilet and recorded several flushes until we got the sound we wanted. Finally, we programmed a Moog synthesizer to create the sound of waves on the beach.

Byron Isbell created the cover art, which also serves as the official seal of the Independent Republic of Plum Island. Long may it warm the hearts of true Plum Islanders.

To pay for everything. I sold a usage license to the Newburyport Five Cent Savings Bank to use as background music in their radio advertising. I also wrote them a jingle:

In times like these, you need a bank to help your money grow.

Newburyport Five Cent Savings is the place you ought to go.

After the donut, the jingle finished with these words:

If you want to borrow money or to save for rainy days

Come to the Newburyport Five Cent Savings Bank

And if you want friendly service, let us be your bank today

Come to the Newburyport Five Cent Savings Bank.

Not exactly Mozart or Shakespeare, but it seemed to work. I think I’ve still have copies of the advertising music somewhere.

The first public performance of the anthem took place in 1979 at The Beachcomber, a fitting venue for such a historic event. Of all the places where the anthem was sold, Moe’s Package Store on the island sold the most copies.

Well, that about wraps it up on my end. I hope we can all say, “mystery solved.”

One more thing. While The Plum Island National Anthem is no longer available on vinyl, you can still hear it on YouTube Music under Richard Stonefingers Johnson.

I hope you will play it a lot – and please remember to tell your friends. I can use the royalties.

Now I live in southern Indiana, across the Ohio River from Louisville, Kentucky. Down here, you can’t get real clams with bellies – and people seem to think that catfish is seafood. I often miss the sound of waves on the beach and the smell of the salt marshes, and I still count my days living on Plum Island among the best of my life.

One of these days, I’d like to come back for a visit. Until then, may Plum Island live on, strong, proud, and independent!

Richard “Stonefingers” Johnson
Former Plum Island resident

Passionate about a local issue? We want to hear from you. Check out our submission guidelines.